Posted 2025-11-02 @ 01:00 UTC-05:00 (06:00 UTC±00:00)

Hello! Today, I'm giving you a more personal blog post. Now, it's no surprise that more and more peoples' lives have been relagated to the computer and smartphone. For better or for worse, these machines that used to take up rooms and only be able to convey information through codes so cryptic that you'd have to be a really dedicated computer nerd to even have the hope of decoding them now are somewhat easier to understand and can fit in your pocket or your desk, and we now take these suckers everywhere we go. Because of this, however, online addiction is a major problem. Because of online addiction, we have people fighting over which political views are better rather than actually debating their positions on certain issues in a "civil" manner. (I don't even think the LGBT community's right to exist should even be an issue; I think that we deserve the right to exist, period amen, no questions asked.) As we see more and more, the computer (and social media) has claimed many peoples' social lives. And this ain't no accident, it's literally the DESIGN of the social media; to get you hooked, to suck you in, to take over your social life, and to fucking exterminate it. It's designed so that sheer willpower alone cannot fucking keep you away from it. Doesn't help that the UI design of the smartphones' operating systems are designed to catch your attention and to keep your attention for as long as humanly possible.

14-year-olds are fucking stupid (Autism doesn't mean "doesn't want friends." Autism means "struggling with social interaction.")

A lot of the odd-numbered years tend to be my lowest, but 2023 was ESPECIALLY on the down-low. The year before, 2022, I turned 13 and got my first lick of social media. 2023, though, was when my online activity went up to the fucking Oort cloud. I was using a lot of Discord talking with some rather questionable people, I was on Tumblr quite a bit, but by far, the place where I spent most of my time on was Twitter, which was renamed to "X" around halfway through the year. And, like most Twitter users, I got sucked into the trap of fighting with other people about politics. I was fucking 14. Normally, this ain't healthy, but then again, 3 years earlier at that point, my dad tried sucking me into HIS politics. He had it coming. The difference is that I went to the opposite side of my dad. I still hold opposite worldviews to him, although, they're slightly more refined than they were 2 years ago. But anywho, 14 YEAR OLDS SHOULDN'T BE ON TWITTER. I consider 2023 to be the lowest low I've ever experienced so far, and Twitter is a MAJOR reason why. I go on Twitter, I do the gamble to see if anything new comes up, I find something that provokes me, and I fucking fight about it. That's usually how Twitter went. Occasionally, I'd just interact with people I found cool, but mostly, I was complaining about the topic of the week. How does my chronic Twitter usage at the time tie into me losing friends? Well, the peak of my Twitter usage was during June and July of 2023. Summer of 2023 was really fucking hot, in fact, it was one of the hottest summers on record. I live in Florida, and even in 2023, I fucking hated summer. I stayed inside all day because it was either too hot or too stormy to go outside. I haven't visited my friends much during that time. There was one friend who lived in a house in a nearby cul-de-sac. I was pretty good friends with him. Last time I saw him was on July 4th. In 2023, I was still under the illusion that "national identity" was important. Anyways, I had a little chat with my friend, and then we both went inside. A few months later in September, I noticed that the friend was no longer there. His house was empty. He moved. I never got a chance to say goodbye to him. I was so consumed by Twitter that I didn't even notice that my friend was no longer living in my neighborhood. This was just one in a series of losses (a friend moved out of the house next door in 2020, only visits occasionally; I burnt bridges with a few friends in 2021/2 over my bike having been broken; stopped hanging out with some friends because they were over 3 years younger than me; and most recently, friend gained and lost quickly in early 2025 due to Dad distancing himself from that friend's mother), but I'd say this one hit the hardest. That kid in the cul-de-sac was basically my best friend, and I lost him because of me overindulging myself in bullshit.

wHaT aBoUt ThE pEoPlE yOu TaLk To On DiScOrD?????

I don't consider them my friends. Sure, I may be friendly with them, but I never call strangers I talk to online "friends." You just don't have the same connections you have with people you can go up to and hang out with physically, right there, right then. Is it more fun to go out with someone and, idk, go play at an arcade, or is it more fun to just go into a Discord VC and just struggle to talk about anything because a trillion other people are talking over you? I just want another boy in my room sitting next to me while we do something fun that both of us like. I don't want to have to be at a computer just so that I can talk to someone. The worst part is I wish it was easy to make friends, but I can't fucking do it because my brain always fears the worst-case scenario and feels the only action worth taking is no action at all, even if it hurts me. Whenever I'm in a situation like that, I fear that I'm going to be rejected, and teenagers are as cruel, if not, even more cruel than children. I'm at a loss, and it's not going to get better unless I have a more forgiving environment.

Sorry if this blog post feels disorganized; it's almost 01:00 as of writing this, and really I'm fucking tired right now.

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